The Surprising Benefits of Subtraction to Achieve Growth

How removing parts of life actually lead to greater satisfaction

“I’m so bored. There’s nothing to do! Can we just watch something?”.

This was the type of statement I’d been hearing more often from my kids. The weather was beginning to turn seasonably warm, which invited more outdoor play and exploration. We even had a house filled with games, toys, and other ways that I know they find enjoyment in.

But watching a screen was all they wanted to do.

We’ve never been a family who allowed unlimited screen time. And at this point, our regular allotment of tv-watching time for our kids was about 45 minutes a day. Nothing crazy, but enough to give them that hit of dopamine on a daily basis they eagerly looked forward to.

One theory I’ve learned in the past 10 years of being a mother is this— the bar of satisfaction continues to lower unless limits are placed upon it.

Meaning, the more we give our children (whether that’s sweets, screen time, toys, or another form of entertainment) the more they will come to expect it. Let me tell you how I’ve seen this play out in my own children over the years in reference to how a small delight quickly turns into a default behavior…

Screen Time Dependence. Every afternoon when our quiet time concluded, I’d give my kids up to an hour of tv time so I could begin making dinner. It mindlessly stimulated them while giving me uninterrupted time in the kitchen. This daily habit soon became an expectation, where the given time no longer satisfied. “Can’t we just have a little bit more?” or “She got more time than me!” were demands I regularly heard.

A Treat a Day. A similar pattern emerged with our sugary sweets. Around holidays, my kids inevitably ended up with a stash of candy or treats. They’d store it away in large bags and anxiously await getting to choose that “one piece a day”. But pretty soon, that gift of one piece a day wore off— they begged for another and complained. “Why can’t I just have one more?! It’s really tiny!”.

Special Outings. Going on a “date” with the kids, celebrating the weekend with a fun adventure, or adding in more entertainment while on vacation also follows this curve. Instead of being grateful for the special outing, at times my kids would ask, “Is there anything else we can do after this?” or “This day won’t be very fun unless we go somewhere”.

My kids were running on a perpetual hedonic treadmill. Surprisingly, their state of contentment and satisfaction was continuing to lower. These once-cherished parts of life merged into the background hum of daily life. They craved the next hit of novelty and without it, life seemed boring.

Yesterday’s enjoyment of a trip to the zoo becomes today’s baseline.

An hour of tv time watching cartoons no longer excites— it just postpones boredom.

The daily dose of sweets is just an expected part of the meal, not a treat.

Several years ago as I was pursuing my master’s degree, I took a class on neuroeducation. I studied how the brain perceives stimulation and the effects it has on children’s ability to cope, thrive, and mature. When our brains become stimulated, a surge of dopamine rushes through and lavishes us into a feel good state. But shortly after the thrill is over, our mind returns back to a baseline level. This chemical is undeniably beneficial, promoting motivation and reward in children. However, the reserve effect can be damaging in ways such as impulsivity and a quest for instant gratification.

When we rely on those sharp hits of dopamine (taking a quick scroll on social media, indulging in something unhealthy, binge watching a show), our body’s dopamine baseline naturally continues to lower as it’s constantly seeking to restore a balance of homeostasis.

Times in life when we become bored or dissatisfied, we think purchasing a new item or adding something will be the answer. However, as I’ve found in the last four years of pursing simplicity and minimalism, this only contributes to the thought that “stuff” will make us happy and content.

To clarify my theory stated earlier, the bar of satisfaction continues to lower unless limits are placed upon it, my husband and I recently reevaluated several key areas in our parenting that were contributing to our children’s need for instant gratification and a general lack of contentment with ordinary life.

Here are the three main areas..

Screen Time. No more daily screen time. Instead, we save our tv watching time for the weekend in the form of one parent-selected movie that we watch as a family. This time has substantially shifted from a once mindlessly consuming activity, to a chance to watch much higher quality movies (I’ll share our list sometime!), as we look forward to it all week. Instead of daily tv time while I make dinner, my kids play outside. They make forts. They invent new games. And to be honest, they don’t even ask about tv time during the week anymore! Taking away tv time during the week has allowed them to be more creative, inventive, and independent.

Sugary Treats. Like mentioned earlier, we used to allow our kids to choose one piece of candy a day. But they came to expect this and were no longer satisfied with that quota. Like tv time, we implemented a similar policy. No sugary treats or candy during the week (unless we’re outside our home and it’s a special event), but instead we save those items for the weekend. It’s much more enjoyable (and healthier for their growing bodies!) when these luxuries are given sporadically rather than regularly. Taking away sugary treats during the week reduced our children’s desire for instant gratification.

Spending Their Money. Every time our kids had a few dollars in their piggy banks (mostly from doing daily chores), they thought they needed to spend it right away. Whatever would satisfy their desire in the moment was what they thought they needed. Not only does this reinforce a consumerist mindset, but it was allowing them to think that any small trinket would make them happy.

So we invented a new holiday…“Spending Day”. Instead of letting them spend their money whenever they wanted, we designated three different days of the year— the first day of spring, summer, and fall. Taking away the desire to spend their money whenever they wanted taught them to decrease impulse spending and increase delayed gratification.

With each of these areas in our children’s lives, we saw an opportunity to remove something that was contributing to lowering their bar of satisfaction. In the past several months of implementing these ideas, we’ve seen less impulsivity and irritability and more creativity and patience. We put limits on these areas (via subtraction) to raise the bar of satisfaction.

Of course, the idea of “addition through subtraction” isn’t just for children, it can and should be applied to anyone’s life. When we strip away the easy thrills, we make room for deeper ones. Limits aren’t meant to punish us— they’re nudges in our brains (and our kids’) to trade the quick hits of novelty for the slow, steady formation of imagination, patience, and savoring life’s simple pleasures.

If subtraction can transform my own kids’ attitude towards spending money, eating sweets, and watching tv…imagine what it can do for adults setting the rules! I’m encouraging you to steal back a little silence from the scroll, a couple dollars from the impulse spending, or mindlessly watching one nightly show. Give your mind room to breathe and be content with the ordinary— and I bet you’ll recognize how much better life can be from it. What can you subtract this week? I’d love to hear!