The Mother in the Arena: 8 Ways to Choose Joy Over Frustration

The reality of hard days and trying seasons-- ways to find joy in the midst of them.

I wrote a post similar to this one several years ago, but even with a few more babies added to our family since then, it still rings true as one of my greatest ambitions: to live with far more joy than frustration in each season of motherhood.

In 1910, Theodore Roosevelt gave a speech that would become one of the most well-known moments of his presidency. I’ve come back to this quote often, seeing many parallels to what it means to be a mother:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
—Theodore Roosevelt, The Man in the Arena

I’m not sure if I can think of a better image of motherhood than entering our own “arena” each day. This arena is equal parts beautiful and messy. In it, we witness milestones of growth, the sweet humor of childhood innocence, and the somewhat undeserved adoration from our children—as if yesterday’s parenting failures were somehow forgotten overnight.

But other times, being a parent is hard. The physical and emotional weight it demands is taxing and tiring. Still, each day, that same arena of motherhood is waiting for us. And each day, we have a choice before we step back into it.

Will we get up and try again (even when we’re worn out and depleted)? Or will we let the struggle shape how this season is remembered?

---

Will Joy or Frustration Win the Day?

Whatever this season of parenthood looks like for you, it likely carries a mix of both joy and frustration. Children are often a whirlwind of spunky, unpredictable, emotional, needy, and even selfish. Many days, I’m pushed to the brink by another tantrum, power struggle, or hard conversation about discipline, respect, or obedience.

But when I reflect on this “arena” of motherhood, the question remains the same: Will I let my frustrations outweigh my joy?

Instead of staying stuck in frustration, I’ve learned that I can make a choice—to shift my perspective, change my attitude, or reset my environment. Over time, these shifts have helped me turn even the hardest days into ones remembered for the fruit they bore.

Here are 8 ways I’m learning (and re-learning) to shift my mindset from frustration to contentment—equipping me to enter the arena of motherhood with more joy.

---

8 Ways to Find More Joy in Motherhood

1. Write in a gratitude journal.
Choosing to focus on the good carries powerful psychological weight—it makes burdens feel smaller. My kids and I do this every day, and it’s been a meaningful way to cultivate joy, even in life’s simplest pleasures.

2. Sit and read aloud to your kids.
One of our favorite habits as a homeschooling family is reading together and this is my go-to when we need a reset. I’m amazed by how the simple act of reading aloud calms cranky kids and gives me a few moments of stillness amid the chaos of four busy little ones.

3. Wake up before the kids.
Since having babies, this early morning hour of quiet has been essential. I pray, journal, read, write, and prepare my mind for the day ahead. Being the only one awake gives me the peace I crave before the busyness begins.

4. Take 10 deep breaths of fresh air.
Sometimes I need a quick reset. When I feel my patience slipping, I step outside, breathe deeply, and stay there until I’m ready to return. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm the body and reset the mood.

5. Create predictable rhythms.
Rhythms have been a lifeline in my days as a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom. The more I can give over to regular routines, the healthier I feel—mentally and physically. From chore charts to learning blocks to weekly dinners, rhythms reduce decision fatigue and help us move through the day more peacefully.

6. Take time for yourself.
I don’t know many moms who can keep going without at least a little time alone. We need quiet moments to think, reflect, and recharge. Go for a walk, take a drive, soak in a hot bath. And remember—your partner can’t read your mind. Ask for what you need.

7. Pray for your child in the moment.
In stressful moments, it’s easy to lose patience and react. I’m still learning to pause and pray for my child when I feel out of control—whether it’s for peace, clarity, or whatever struggle they may be facing.

8. Prioritize early bedtimes.
We've always prioritized early bedtimes for our kids. The older ones read or listen to audiobooks before falling asleep. After a full day at home together, my husband and I need space to reconnect and reset. These evening hours help me restore energy so I can face the next day with grace.